Our Gemara’s original question on the Mishnah was: why is it necessary to say you can do kiddushin thru yourself (Bo) if it already says you can do it thru a messenger (shlucho). Rav Yehuda Amar Rav offers an opinion that the Mishnah must say Bo and Bshlucho because it is an Isur for a man to marry a woman without seeing her first. Rav Yehuda’s opinion only applies to men (the Reisha of the Mishnah). Then, Raish Lakish adds that the reason why there is only an isur on men to not marry without seeing a woman first is because it is better for a woman to go thru a grief-filled marriage rather than be single (Tav L’meitav Tan Do Melimeitav Armalo).
I do not like the opinion given by Raish Lakish. I believe that at the time Raish Lakish gave his opinion, it was true that women were much more dependent on men in their lives, and therefore it was not not unfair of him to say that it is better for them to be in grief filled marriage rather than be single. At the time when Reish Lakish gave his opinion, women did not go to school, they did not have as many rights as men, and of course they did not have jobs and could not support themselves. However, I believe Raish Lakish should not have said what he said because he should have known that times would change down the line. Today, women have the same rights as men, there are more women than men in college, and many women have jobs (and those that do not have jobs could get jobs if they wanted to). Therefore, I believe Raish Lakish should not have said that woman should go into a grief filled marriage rather than be single because he should have suspected that down the line, people would realize that women are humans just like men and that they deserve the same rights as men (which has happened), and now Raish Lakish’s opinion is totally outdated and no longer correct.
Interesting ideas, Rabbi Isaac. Perhaps we can view it NOT as a symbol of socioeconomic status. I agree - times have changed and women are less reliant on men nowadays for jobs, money, economic help, et cetera. However, Raish Lakish may have been making a psychological analysis, as opposed to zoning in on economics of their day. In other words, women are simply psychologically dependent on men and would prefer going into a grief-filled marriage than staying single. R"L could have just made an observation regarding a woman's psychology (rather than her social position). Just an alternative way of thinking and support for Raish Lakish's proof.
ReplyDeleteis raish lakish saying that he would not mind growing old and dying a lonely man? cause man or woman i dont think anyone would want that.
ReplyDeleteRaish Lakish said what he said because, at the time and all the times prior to that, women could not really support themselves without the help of man. The main problem the issur is preventing is for one party not to hate the other. Raish Lakish is simply saying that women will be appreciative and not hate their husbands like men will hate their ugly wives. It's Peshitah. I don;t think Raish Lakish ever anticipated a time in which women can be independent. He simply voiced his opinion and I see no problem with it.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I actually asked this exact question to my parents recently. No kidding! Anyway, they told me that it does apply to many Jewish families nowadays, but in modern society this is not the case. No offense to the female gender, but Judaism requires them to be Tznius, or moderate, and shouldn't go out of their way to put themselves higher than most people and to grab attention. Sure, you can argue that nowadays women have more rights and can go get a job without being not Tznius, but there is still an amount of Tznius a woman should keep. My parents gave proof by referring to an anonymous couple they once knew, who both said that they married each other not out of love, but because they thought at the time of marriage that the other sex could provide for the family in the best way that respective sex can (i.e. Women can raise babies and cook food, Men can make money and provide other needs). It may be hard to accept, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
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